The Wait Is On

I had the honor and privilege to recently attend the wedding reception of my lovely niece and her groom--each age 31, plus.  It is a first marriage for each.  It was a compromise of certain traditional elements with the wonderfully quirky originality of the bride and the groom.  Also, over the course of the weekend celebrations, I spend much time with one of my wonderful sons who also happens to be over 30 and single.
 

Friday morning, while having that second cup of coffee, I heard an interview with Dr. Andrew Cherlin, a sociologist at Johns Hopkins University and author of "The Marriage-Go-Round: The State of Marriage and the Family in America Today."  Dr. Cherlin reported that in the generation of my mother (a lively 85, thank you very much), marriage was the threshold to adulthood.  Young men and women typically lived at home until marriage.  Once married, the young couple would move into an apartment, work, start a family and eventually buy a home.  My mother married my father in 1952 when she was 26 years old - a bit long in the tooth compared to the average of 20 years old at that time.  Mom had also attended college and had her B.S. and worked before she met and married my dad.  I can only imagine what my paternal grandfather thought of the "old woman" my dad brought home as I recall my grandfather telling me, when I was almost 18, that I was over-the-hill and needed to start looking for a husband--soon.  Grandma was 16 when she married Grandpa.  I guess I may have started looking a little hopelessly  spinsterish to him by those standards.  

Studies show that the average age for a bride is now 27 years and the average age for the groom is 28 years.  There are many thresholds to adulthood now days that are attained before marriage--careers, homes, even starting a family.  A Rutgers study states that one of the primary reasons that the average marriage age is increasing is because sex is accessible to men without marriage.  An economic study maintains that people value the institution of marriage.  With the no-fault divorce movement which occurred in the past thirty-plus years in the U.S., those who value marriage are waiting to be sure that the mate is the "right" one in order to avoid a protracted and expensive divorce.

How does this impact family law?  In many ways, it doesn't.  Starting a family before marriage still results in custody disputes when the parties end their relationship--don't mean a thing if you ain't got that ring--when it comes to child custody issues.  If the couple who waited to marry does end up divorcing, it is likely that there is more separate property to be traced.  The delay in marriages could increase the number of prenuptial agreements because of the greater likelihood of the individuals having amassed some separate property before the marriage. 

Regardless of your age or the length of your marriage, if you find that you need to consult with or hire a divorce lawyer, it makes sense to seek an affordable attorney who is experienced and compassionate.   

  

Atticus Finch or Denny Crane

"I am a lawyer. I am entrusted by the People of Texas to preserve and improve our legal system. I am licensed by the Supreme Court of Texas. I must therefore abide by the Texas Disciplinary Rules of Professional Conduct, but I know that professionalism requires more than merely avoiding the violation of laws and rules. I am committed to this creed for no other reason than it is right."

There is a little bit of Atticus Finch in everyone who was chosen by this life in the justice system. In my imaginary, unwritten post-script to "To Kill A Mockingbird," I believe that Scout followed in her father's footsteps and became a lawyer. I did not become a lawyer because either of my parents practiced law. They did, however, practice civility and strong values in their everyday lives. In that regard, I strive to follow in the footsteps of my parents and live my life within a solid code of values and civility.

Many clients are not aware that the Supreme Court of Texas promulgated (fancy word for proclaimed) the Texas Lawyer's Creed in 1989. The Texas Lawyer's Creed sets out the ideal for every attorney licensed to practice law in Texas. These ideals know no geographic boundaries (although that seemed to be part of the impetus of the Texas Supreme Court as they state that their goal in promulgating the Texas Lawyer's Creed is to eliminate a practice of abuse tactics by attorneys which surfaced "in many parts of our country.") In the 23 years since the drafting of the Texas Lawyer's Creed, I am certain that the majority of my fellow attorneys, in Texas and around the globe, aspire to these ideals, too.

The first section of the Texas Lawyer's Creed speaks to the Atticus in each of us:

• We are proud of our profession and our word is our integrity.
• We give our time and services to those who would otherwise be unable to access our justice system.
• Rather than acting as the inspiration for the"bad reputation of the legal community," we should each aspire to the Lawyer's Creed
• We are to be aware that we owe a duty to our system of justice and our stewardship of the justice system is an honor we should not trample upon

The next sections of the Lawyer's Creed set forth the standards for our relationship with our client, with other attorneys, and with the judges. Generally speaking:

• we are to act with honor and honesty while serving our clients and seeking to resolve the client's issues as quickly and economically as possible
• we are to maintain objectivity and loyalty to our client without becoming personally enmeshed in their case
• we are to be civil and courteous to others because it is the right thing to do
• we will not participate in the intentional harassment or delays
• we will not participate in frivolous suits, motions, discovery requests or obstructive discovery responses
• we will advise the client of the alternatives to litigation
• we will not nit-pick style when the issue is substance
• we will identify changes we make in documents
• we will promptly draft orders that are accurate and reflect the true terms of a ruling or an agreement
• we will call, email, text, fax, or otherwise notify all who need to know and the Court when hearings, depositions, meeting, conferences or other matters are cancelled
• we will be reasonable with one another so long as it does not adversely affect our client
• we will adhere to the rules of procedure and evidence in serving pleadings and motions
• we will make good faith efforts to resolve disputes without taking up the Court's time
• we will not be unethical and we will make a true effort not to be snide, tacky, sarcastic or otherwise disagreeable in person, on the phone, or in writing
• we will not make false accusations of unethical behavior against our opposing counsel and we will not disparage opposing counsel or the opposing party to our client
• we will not take a default or obtain a dismissal when we know there is an attorney on the other side of the case without first contacting that attorney about their intention to proceed
• we will make good faith efforts to schedule hearings, depositions and other matters by agreement
• we will stipulate to undisputed facts

That is a fairly lengthy laundry list of dos and don'ts that can be distilled into these tenets:

• advocate with honor;
• be honest in all that you do;
• be respectful while standing your ground;
• be courteous to others;
• be ethical at all times; and,
• remember that we not only represent our clients--we represent our profession every day; our conduct determines whether others perceive us as noblee, like Atticus Finch, or not.